Motherhood is Painful

I was laying down with Ashton yesterday. Nursing and hoping that we could catch an afternoon nap together. He was a little squirmy, but once he got his hands to my hair he settled in and drifted off to sleep. Something about twirling and twisting his hands in my hair relaxes him if he is fussy or sleepy or needs comforting. It can be painful, though.

As I was laying there, I started to think of how mothering is such a painful process. Actually bringing the baby into the world is extremely painful! Mothers share their birth stories like veterans share their battle stories. How long the labor was (7-14 hour range for my 3), natural or c-section (natural), meds or no-meds (minimal/no epidurals), and so on. But, the pain doesn't stop there. Eventually, that baby grows up and has to register for kindergarten. And when that happens a mother's heart is not quite sure it is ready to let go. Just retrieving the immunization records for Anagrace's kindergarten registration brought on sadness. It reminded me of all of those shots she endured and how with each one I had wished I could take it for her. I wished that I could take away the pain; I hurt with her. I wish I could prevent the emotional pain that is sure to occur in school. Children can be so cruel. The stronger seem to prey on the weak, the confident on the insecure, and I just pray that she is not on the giving or recieving end. But, I know that she will get hurt, and when she gets hurt I will hurt too. All of these thoughts swirled in my mind today as I sat and waited for her to return to me in the waiting area. She had small tears that she wiped away, trying to be brave as she walked away with a kindergarten teacher to assess her readiness to enter school. Choking back my own tears now that she could not see me, I was glad no one was assessing my readiness because I surely would have failed. Mothering is a painful process. But I am happy to endure hair-pulling, labor, and heartache to get to be the mother of my precious three. With pain, comes joy.