Justin: So-and-so at work today was asking how the pregnancy is going....and if we would have any more kids. He told me he had a vasectomy and it all went well.
Chelsea: Really?
Justin: You know we're going to have to discuss this.
Chelsea: I'm just not ready to say we are definately done. What if in two or three years, we decide we DO want another baby. It's just so....permanant.
Justin: silence
Okay, so more like 30 seconds of conversation. But never a resolution. I don't think that I can give in on this one. I just don't feel in my heart that it is the right time to make such a permanant change. At the same time, it is scary because we were taking contraceptive precautions when we got pregnant this time. Justin has lost all confidence in pharmeceutical birth control. So, at this point I am just praying. I am mostly praying that God will change Justin's perspective :)! I believe what it says in Psalm 127:3:
Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
It goes on to say:
Children born to a young man
are like sharp arrows in a warrior's hands.
How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.
Ps. 127:4-5
We are still young. We are technically still in our twenties, clinging by our fingernails, but we still are! And I am not sure if the Lord plans to bless us with more. He definately gave us this child growing inside me when we had not planned on it. He may have a plan for another child in our future, but we could hinder that by going ahead with the vasectomy. I don't know....maybe I'm being super-spiritual?!
It could be that right now I feel such a calling to be a mommy, and to see in the far distance an end to that makes me sad. It's not that I have my identity wrapped up in mommyhood and that I don't know what to do if I am not at home raising my children; I have a career waiting in the wings. It is a career that I do enjoy. I've had the flexibility to work a few days a week over the years while still being at home with children, and it has been a nice "get-away". I enjoy having a purpose outside of my home as well. I think that it just all boils down to the fact that I am not ready to make the decision that our family is complete. So, I ask that you all pray for clarity for Justin and I and a sense of peace with whatever we choose.
2 comments:
it definitely is a tough decision and once it does happen, it can be very hard. we are in "reproductive retirement" and although it is a decision that we made together, sometimes it can be very hard for me (especially when so many of my friends are pregnant and having babies). but i know deep down that the decision we made was the best for our family. just keep talking to justin and the answer will come. i will pray for clarity for you both.
Enjoy, enjoy my friend- your fruitful years! The years to come will be filled with joy also! I say, don't do it till you know for sure. When it's done, you're done! It's so easy for you to carry your children and that makes it fun for you to be pregnant and make more babies for your friends to hold...tee hee! We love your beautiful children! You have such a beautiful family!!!!
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